Dave stayed in Arizona to work after a long weekend vacation at my brothers. We had driven down on Saturday so the boys and I flew back to Denver on Tuesday night.
We were having fun. Checking in, putting our bags into the security machine, getting a bite to eat... the boys followed me like little ducklings. They were fascinated by the whole process. Why this? Why that? I love answering all of their questions.
We had flown before. A few times. The last time was years ago to Hawaii and back. The boys are always troopers. They made traveling easy.
Before we left for Arizona - as we were just about to pull out of the driveway - I thought about running in and grabbing Jack sound-blocking headphones. Just in case. But I didn't. We'd make due. We'd just turn off the radio, or the TV, or leave the restaurant if it bothered him too much. Besides I had Blue-y, Jack's ear filter.
We got on the plane. The boys were so excited... hesitant, but thrilled. Our seats were all the way in the back. They didn't care. We settled in. I put Blue-y in Jack left ear. I taught them how to put on their seat belts. Will took the window seat... then Jack, then me on the isle.
The pilot started up the engines.
Jack said he wasn't feeling well. I turned on the air, then got up to ask the flight attendant for a plastic bag.
I have no idea how much time pasted. I know we were still on the ground.
I looked over to Jack and couldn't begin to explain what I saw in his eyes. I began to feel the horror of a mother watching her son being tortured.
Jack asked me if it will be this loud the whole time. Blue-y wasn't working. The noise was too loud. I could only imagine what was going on inside of his head.
It was difficult but I told him the truth. Honey, it will get louder. I went on to tell him how sorry I was. Then I got up and pleaded with the attendant to see if they had any ear plugs. There were none.
We were pulling away from the gate. Jack looked at me. His eyes pleading with me to make the sound stop. He threw up. His breath was short. He gasped. His hands flipped over so his palms were up. His eyes rolled back in his head. He had passed out.
I was numb, frightened... and relieved.
I put my fingers in front of his mouth to make sure he was breathing. I rested his head on my knees. I wondered if he could sleep until we landed. I kissed his head with hope.
My mind was filled with what ifs. Should I have panicked and demanded they go back to the gate so I could take Jack off the plane? I doubted myself. What was the right thing to do? It didn't matter any more. It was too late. We were in the air.
About half way through the flight Jack woke up. He was weak and quiet. His eyes were full of the same pain, fear and panic. He told me he didn't feel well. I began to quietly cry.
Not knowing what I could do to help him, I desperately wanted him to pass out again. I poured water of a napkin and held it on his head. I held my hands over his ears, but the look in his eyes remained. He began to quietly cry.
I wish I had taken him off the plane.
My mind was racing. What could I do? I remembered I had put a bunch of fruit chew candies in my purse to calm the kids if I needed to. I opened up a package and pulled out an orange Nemo-shaped candy. I smooched it a bit and put it in his right ear.
I put pressure on both Blue-y and Nemo. I asked if it was better and Jack nodded. Then almost like a light was switched off, he faded to sleep. His body just couldn't take the noise. It shut down.
When we were about to land, the flight attendant told me to sit him up right. I protested a bit. The attendant demanded a bit more. Since I didn't want to be arrested when we landed, I propped him up. Tear filled my eyes because I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. He woke up. I kept my fingers firmly on Blue-y and Nemo.
I looked over and William was pretty much upside down in his seat. I couldn't let go of Jack so I called to him. He was scared. I told him not to worry. I kept talking to him as we landed.
At the gate, the engines shut off. We took out Nemo. I hugged both of the boys and told them I was proud of them. I told Jack his was brave. He gave me a big smile. I thanked William for being so patient during the whole flight while I helped Jack. And he also smiled.
As we were ride on the tram to baggage claim, I asked William if he had fun riding on the plane. He said, Yes, I did... but we don't have to do that again.
I couldn't agree more.
When I got home I put a phone call into the audiology department at Childrens Hospital. I'm still waiting for a call back.
