Wow, I can't believe how long it has been since I last wrote. Sometimes it all seems so overwhelming that you just try to make it through another day. You stop looking at the big picture. You stop taking a moment to reflect on what is happening around you... or inside of you. You lose clarity of thought and time passes all too quickly.
We've come along way since early December - some good, some not so good.
Jack is no longer working with his reading tutor. She quit him.
I shouldn't say it that way, but it's true. She did so with the utmost respect for Jack. He wasn't making any progress. She didn't think it was fair for Jack to continue to give up an hour of his weekend. She didn't think it was fair for us to keep paying. And of course, not fair for her to keep spending time with us either.
I understood the Jack part. He had gotten very sensitive about his weekends - especially his Saturdays. If we even suggested we were going to go out of the house either to the store or the park or anywhere, he would break down crying. He would plead, This is my only day to stay home. Please don't make me go somewhere. Sundays, he would go to see Shira without much fuss. Unfortunately, I could see the anticipation on his face to go home back the moment we drove out of the drive way.
I figured with school being extra exhausting, having to work with the speech therapist on Tuesday, doing the regular amount of homework, and then extra time every night before bed practicing reading... he was exhaust and wanted time just to be a kid. Can you blame him? I can't.
As a full-time working executive, with two young children, and one with lots of extra special needs... I too just want time to be... yep, a kid. Can you blame me? I can't.
I also understood how she was concerned that we keep paying for nothing. Because that's what no improvement is... nothing. I appreciated her concern. It is a significant cost. She could have easily keep working with him. Cashing our check every week. And in the end, she's be richer but Jack wouldn't.
I also understood that Shira had to switch from seeing Jack on Monday evenings to Sundays because she had to go back to work at Childrens Hospital full-time for financial reasons. I was just grateful she still agreed to see Jack. She also has a little boy named Jack. She gave up her Sunday with him for my Jack. So I could see that giving up time at home for 'nothing' was hard on her too.
While that chapter closed, the next opened up quickly.
Shira called me a few weeks later - just after Christmas - and asked if it was okay for her to share Jack's story with some of her colleagues at Childrens. I could tell she was unable to reconcile why Jack couldn't, or wouldn't, make progress. I suspect she has been able to teach every child she has worked with something.
And if it is any consolation, Jack did learn the vowels. Well, for the most part. He'll tell you, A, E, I , O... and.... um....
So skipping forward to today, Shira has spoke with the head of audiology at Childrens and a few other knowledgeable people there. There were obviously no easy answers. They are recommending a full battery of tests to see where he is at and then try to determine what we can do for him.Good thing I already scheduled a battery of tests. As Shira was exploring options at Childrens, I had called the head of the Learning Disability research in the Psychology department at the University of Denver, Dr. Marge Riddle. I found out as part of their research program they can perform a complete battery of tests to look at the whole child... to access every aspect of how the child learns... how their brain functions. Was I going to far? Was Shira just trying to explain something that was unexplainable?
I was going over all of this with Dave. I explained that tutoring wasn't helping and that we could get him tested for dyslexia, or for ADD, or we could go back and have more auditory processing tests done. Maybe we'd have to go through a series of tests and tutors until we found something that worked, that answered our prayers. ...or we could just keep helping him as best we could and hope it all works out. I mean he's bound to make progress eventually - little by little. Right?
Dave said, Why don't you just find the top expert in the field, have him tested, and then we will know what to do. It sounded so simple, so logical. It no longer sounded excessive.
I also remembered how I describe Jack to others at times. He is a boy that is stuck inside his head. He has a hard time understanding people when they talk and he can't read. No way in. He has a hard time speaking what he is thinking and he can't write... or type. No way out. He is forced to interact with the world differently, silently, and with pause... yet his mind is capable of much more.
Every so often I am reminded of this. He gets really excited about something that he is thinking about but the words don't come. He spits out a few words, often not making a lot of sense. He eventually gives up. Stuck. He asks me almost daily to read things to him and to explain things to him, because this is his only choice. Stuck.
So a month from now, he will go through a complete battery of test. Two days of testing. Seven tests in all - more if Dr. Riddle feels she needs more information. We will receive a complete report - summary, diagnosis, and recommendations. We will have a greater understanding of what is going on inside of his mind. I am fascinated they can do this. I am also scared shitless.
