I was going to write about my parent teacher conference this week and tell you all about Jack's progress and new adjustments to his accommodations plan. However something of greater importance has occurred.
This week we have seen our happy child, become sad and even angry at times. He had an ear infection so I was hoping that this behavior was attributed to the fact that he did not feel well and couldn't hear so well.
On Monday, I kept him home because his ear hurt and he begged to stay home because he was afraid he would cry in school. Tuesday, he cried because he didn't want to go to school. Wednesday, he cried in the morning asking not to go. We made an agreement, he went, then he asked the teacher to call me so he could come home - before lunch. Thursday, he cried again.
Thursday night on the way home from soccer, Jack stated with the seriousness and sadness of person who just lost their dog, My life is awful.
When you hear your child say something like this, your first reaction is to say, No it's not. Then continue to remind them of all the wonderful things they have and can do. We did this, of course. In fact, Dave spent an hour talking with him . At the end, he said, Ok, my life is just average then.
What we forget is that despite all of the wonderful things, they still feel like their life is awful. It's simple... Whatever it is that has them down is greater than the sum of all the wonderful!
It is important and not something to dismiss.
The next morning, Juanita told me he was explaining to her how awful his life was. And again with me that afternoon.
Part of me wonders if it has been building up. Looking back, his behavior has been changing over the last few weeks. Part of me wonders if his ear infections made it harder for him to understand others which in turn, made it worse - to a point of outward expression. And yet another part of me wonders if it's just a phase. Therefore if we do nothing, it will go away.
No matter what caused it. I know we need to figure out what it is. My gut feeling is it will not go away.
Here is what I observed.
Jack has to work harder. He has to expend more energy to listen than the average person. The other night I was reading the profile examples out of a book about Auditory Processing Disorders (more about the book at another time) and as I was talking about a boy named Jeff, I read the sentence that said Jeff was exhausted by the end of the school day because he had to work harder to listen all day. Jack stopped me and said full of emotion, That is just like me. He appeared to completely relate and relieved he wasn't alone.
Maybe reading the stories about Jeff and other kids with APD freed Jack.
Jack can't keep up. Social interactions are harder for Jack. I saw it on the soccer field while I was coaching. The other boys talk fast, so he can't understand enough to keep up in the conversations. (Ok, not sure they qualify for conversations which, of course, exacerbates the problem.) The other boys call Jack out on how he pronounce words. I can still see the look on his face. And when they tease playfully as friends often do to each other, Jack has a hard time catching the subtleties in the speech and he thinks they are teasing him to be mean.
What I observed in 1/2 hour on the soccer field must happen to Jack all day at school. On the soccer field - amidst all the chaos - he fell to the ground, hid his face, and started to cry.
Jack internalizes everything. While going through our bedtime routine one night this week, Jack blurted out, I don't like movies because I get headaches and they are real for me at night. He began to tell me about the swirl thing (we watched a comedy where a guy fell off a bridge into a vortex to enter a time warp.) Here is a child that has likely been having vivid nightmares for years and never mentioned them. Not a peep. And why tell me now and never before?
I always knew Jack was sensitive and reflective. I know know these traits run deep, very deep.
Adding these observations to some of his recent comments... School is too crowded. Everyone is mean to me. Why can't we just stay in the house . Nobody listens to me.
I have a better picture on what it is.
But not idea how to make it better.
Maybe it is just a stage.
I want my happy, sweet Jack back.
